I feel the air brush against my arms and my back as I take my fleece zip up off and let it sit against the base of my back as I sit here preparing to write. Prepared to let it all out. This is my blog and I can and will write whatever I want. From this point forth I will no longer sensor. I will no longer care who reads this or what their purpose for reading it is. You can think of me as you like. I am only interested in people who can accept me completely for who I am. Not just the bits and pieces of me that you occasionally see walking past me to your next class or briefly waving at you at the gas station.

This isn't enough for me. Going to school and knowing that my future will be what I hope it to be isn't enough. My future is in the making and there's a long way to go between now and the future. I need something now. Right now. I remember when I was younger walking from one school to another for I don't know what reason a girl named Michelle Rielly told me that at the end of each school year she'd think back to how silly she had been and all the things she wished she could have done differently. I felt the same way and we both agreed that, this particular year had been different. I always think back to that moment because it's how I feel about the end of the year as a whole. Not of how silly I have or haven't been, but of how much has happened in a year and all the things I want to change. This year unfortunately isn't different for me. I haven't changed much of what I wanted to.

I want to promise myself that next year will be different. It's not that I'm unhappy with what I want, I don't mean to sound ungrateful. I know that I'm lucky and what not. But this is it. I know that things need to change and it's not going to happen unless I do something about it. Stop making excuses, stop worrying about my mom, and just do it. In all honesty as much as my mom is the only person who can push my buttons I stopped really caring about what she said a long time ago. She doesn't mean to but she's very pessimistic and puts people around her down most of the time, even if only jokingly. So doing the things I want shouldn't be a problem.

I think part of my problem is that I don't know what to change. Well not entirely. I know what I want and I'm working towards that, I just don't feel like it's enough and I've felt like that for a while. I want more, but more what? So what I'm going to do next year is try a bunch of different things and do a bunch of different things. I'm going to completely surrender my life to a list of things I want to do. I'm going to push myself. It won't matter if I'm in bed half asleep and wanting to push the snooze button. I'm going to do it. I don't care if it's raining or if the road is half blocked because of more construction. I'm tired of feeling like this and I will not allow myself to continue to do so.

What I ask of you .. whoever you happen to be, is for support. You don't have to tell me you've read this, just ask me how I'm doing and what I've been up to and tell me to keep going. I need that little extra oomph. If you want to do any of these things with me then let's go! I want to have fun.

List of things I want to do & try
finish learning Italian
travel route 66
go to Disneyland
go to blizzcon
teach myself the piano
make a video once a week
blogging everyday
visit Brian & Helen
visit Emily
go to mount rushmore
visit yellowstone national park
go camping
go fishing
exercising regularly
Painting something
at least 3 picnics
learn to knit
make an oragami crane
riding a hot air balloon
fly a stunt kite
ride a horse
yoga
karate
pottery making
pilates
ice skating
rollerblading
having short(er) hair
cook and eat 10 dishes I've never tasted before
go to a casino
go to a winery
go sledding
get certified in CPR
learn to play poker
fencing
learn about different types of fauna in my area
calligraphy
go grocery shopping really really late
learn to ballroom dance
drive a convertible with the top down and music blaring
give another public speech
tell someone the complete story of my life
surfing
get to know my neighbors
sing to the elderly
stay out irrationally late dancing
plant a tree
ride a motorcycle
spend a few days on a boat

If I think of more then I'll add it another blog! Life is about living not just existing and I'm ready to have a damn good time. 2010 WILL be an amazing year.

What are some things you want to do?

Peace, Love & Pancakes
-Liberty

Greedy!

Okay! So I am for the next however long this blog takes to write going to be totally greedy and just write about things that I want. Not things that I need, although some of them I might, but just plain out want. For the sole purpose of being greedy and indulging in that part of my brain that I squash through the year. I want to know what you want too :) Tell me!

Lots of Christmas cards - I LOVE THEM and I want so many that the mailman starts wondering who the hell I am! I love reading the written message more than the card itself, but the cards are SO cute! :D

A tripod - I love making videos but being able to put the camera where I want it would come in handy in so many situations. I want one so bad, to be able to just point it instead of having to place it on top of things and hope that I can stand on my tippy toes or sit down enough! It's pretty self explanatory I think

Electric keyboard - I want to play an instrument with the same fluidity that I can speak multiple languages. I love music, it's a big part of my life and to be able to enhance that aspect of my brain and my love of song writing would be absolutely amazing.

Chocolate - Do I really need to go into this one? I freaking love chocolate and I want some. End of story .. gimme

A new car - Sick of it always breaking down, it's less reliable than my appetite (pancakes aside) Don't care what kind, just something cute and clean that turns on when I want it to and is warm on the inside and takes me where I want to go!

Personalized Stationary - I want pretty paper with my name on it, just my name nothing else. I've wanted some for such a long time. I love writing letters because it's personal and it shows that I care enough to take the time to write a letter and what could be more personal that writing it on pretty paper with my name on it!

*I feel bad for wanting stuff. I have so much already and so much to be thankful for that I actually feel bad for wanting more stuff that I truthfully don't really need >.< But I shall continue this list and finish it and make it up to myself in another blog*

Proximity - To my friends. I love my friends so very dearly much, but unfortunately none of them live close enough to be able to call them and see a movie on the whim. I want that. I want someone to come over for dinner randomly after work, to have hot chocolate with at the kitchen table as we discuss the finer aspects of that particular day's weather. I want a hug when I want a hug and not a /hug, but an I can feel your arms around me hug.

More Questions! - On Formspring ( http://www.formspring.me/itsjustlib ) I love answering questions on here! I would love to log on one day and just have a bagillion questions! That's what I want :D Love it!

Love - I want to be hugged, and cherished, and wanted, and loved more than anything. I want to be looked for, and sought after, and adored.

SO! Tell me what it is that YOU want! Be totally greedy :) no limits!

Peace, Love & Pancakes
-Lib

Things I'm currently obsessing over

So, yes. I like a lot of things and I get really excited about a lot of different things. And right now I just feel like sharing with you some of the things I simply can not get enough of. Enjoy :)

La Roux - I am completely in love with all their music. The song 'Not your toy' has been on repeat for at least the past 2 hours and I'm not sick of it at all. I'm dying to make a music video for 'Bulletproof' and I would love to see what they're like as people if they can create music this good.

Alex Day - His CD 'Parrot Days' is absolutely amazing. It's really refreshing and yet has the ability to call forth feelings of nostalgia and happiness. It's completely superb. I love it. I want to do covers of at least 4 different songs off the CD and I've already memorized without having meant to all the lyrics to the songs. Long live nerdiness.

Ignoring my phone - It's been so nice just leaving the phone on my night table and not worrying about it all day! Totally leaving it there on purpose, it's so much less stressful I love it!

Nail polish - I love it. I want cute colors and different shades of everything! Polka dots! Stripes! My nails need color! More color i say!

Formspring - http://www.formspring.me/itsjustlib GO ASK ME QUESTIONS NOOOW! I love answering formspring questions, it makes me super happy for some ridiculously awesome reason that I am so not going to complain about! I love it.

Hot Chocolate - Come on. Do I REALLY need to explain this one? It's cold out, it can hold whipped cream and marshmallows, and it makes me feel warm and cozy! :D I love it!

Photography - Absolutely loving taking pictures of EVERYTHING, seriously I have a plethera of totally random things that I'm taking pictures of! It's lovely! I just feel like it and a lot of them aren't really interesting to anyone but me! I love it.

? - There's another thing that I'm totally obsessing over at the present time, but I like keeping it to myself, I like having something that's just mine :)

So go ahead! OBSESS! LOVE IT!

Peace, Love & Pancakes
-Lib

Friendship

Friendship is tough. And that's understandable seeing as most things in life that are worth having are difficult to obtain and eve more so to maintain. (except for ice cream, that's easy to get and even easier to enjoy) So I have lots of friends, but I can't put them all under the same category so to speak. But what else can I call them? They're not acquaintances, that's too impersonal. Instead I have a 1 to 5 scale to detirmin how close someone is.

1 is a sort of not really friend. You see each other a lot or spen time together because you hang out in the same circles or places and you might think each other is cool, but that's about as far as it goes. A hello, a goodbye, an occasional picture together, maybe a facebook add and that's all there is to it.

2 is a sort of situational friend. You again see eachother quite a bit in groups or certain places and really get along. You talk about different things and relate to each other. You know a little bit about each other and you might even send gifts through facebook applications, but you don't hang out outside the group.

3 is a friendly friend. This is a person you genuinely like. You spend time together on your own and talk in private. You can laugh about things together, even form inside jokes. You look forward to being around this person because you find them "cool." You've started to get to know them and you're finding out things you have in common. You might talk on the phone or through some messenger system and you can say things like "I was talking to so&so and ..."

4 is a good friend. Personally making the change from 3 to 4 is difficult for me. 3 is comfortable, I'm getting to know the person and it's fun. 4 starts getting personal. This is someone you've known for a while and are comfortable with. You each score pretty high on the how well do you know this person quiz. You know some personal details about each other and you've been around when things aren't all sunshine and lillipops. Your parents might know about them and they send you at least a card during the holidays and your birthday.

5 is an amazing friend. I don't want to use the term best because nobody can really be a best friend. Anyone who's close enough to be considered a 5 is special. If going from 3 to 4 is hard, going from 4 to 5 is almost imporrible with me. 5 is someone you truly trust. This is someone you care about a lot and love spending time with. You know each other's fears and pet peeves and you have a plethera of both good and bad memories together. You count on each other to be there through thick and then. 5 is a good person that you should never let go. It's the kind of friendship they write poetry about and show in movies.

I have sine 1s and a bunch of 2s, mostly 3s, a couple of 4s and a missing fingers handful of 5s. Whatever the number I'm thankful for the people I have around me and I appreciate having aany degree of friends. There's absolutely people that are aquaintinces that I'd like to get onto the scale. They're great people and I want to get to know them. In the same way there's 1s and 2s that I'd like to get to a 3. It's not always about you though, sometimes you're ready to be a new level of friend but the other person isn't. Either way make sure you're always thankful and appreciatative for those people you can actually call friends.

I like meeting new people and making friends. Where on the scale do you want to be? Talk to me and let's be friends! :D (how's that for a corny ending eh?!)

Peace, Love & Pancakes
-Lib

No intro on this one :) Just going to start rambling.

Being told that I should or shouldn't do something if I ever "have hope of speaking to" someone again, pretty much makes me say go to hell! I can get over it, you should to.

Being having a total blast editing my NaNoWriMo novel and writing the next one too! Up until a few days ago that was the underlining tone to all my thoughts, what would my characters do, how would they react and what would they say. And of course it's been so much fun coming up with those answers because if you don't already know or can't imagine, my characters are very well developed and a lot of fun to write about for me.

Emily's cat is preggers! And I want a kitten so bad! She better give me one! Jacob passed away earlier this year and now with Babe gone I really miss the companionship of a pet. I don't know if I'm ready for a puppy again yet, but I really want a kitten to snuggle with and take care of. I miss waking up to Jacob on my tummy or still sleeping right up against my side.

Boys! Boys! Boys! I like boys in cars! Boys! Boys! Boys! Chasing boys in bars! .. Ok. Maybe not so much, but the Lady GaGa song is pretty much amazing. I've been completely obsessing over remixes and covers this month, don't even know why but it's been fun to have mini dance parties in my room whenever I feel like it. My new favorite mix being Colette - If (Dave Aude) mix .. it's amazing. Which I can thank Patrick for, because apparently he can do that song on Difficult Mode on DDR haha!

WoW has become more fun now that I get to play with friends! Mind you I haven't played much because LAINEY IS HERE WITH ME! But when I do get to play it's totally awesome and full of win. Which means YES LAINEY IS HERE WITH ME! And that's been amazing, I love her. She is such a good friend and a big human shaped sack of wonderfullness <3

I made a new friend this week, totally awesome person. I'm talking bff material here, it makes me excited :) I've been super happy and what not about it.

OMG WINTER BREAK! ANOTHER EXCUSE TO USE CAPS AND STUFF! :) I'm looking forward to lots of food and cookies! YumYum! haha I'll see you laters!

<3Lib