4 hours, 3 airlines, too many miles on google map, and a large lump of money later ... and I have a couple of this year's trips planned out! Finally!

I'm so super excited to see my friends and hug them and take a bazzilion pictures with them. As much of a loner as I can be sometimes I can't deny that I love my friends, so very much indeed. They're so wonderfully influential in the best possible way. Whether it's the way I can hear Cecilia giggling every time I see a

I suppose you can say that it was my excuse to procrastinate writing my 15 page paper on economics. I did get it done .. just not right away. It fathoms me how I could possibly not have been motivated to write a riveting paper on all of the pressing happenings in today's economy. I did however find it in me to eloquently express the imperative thoughts that have been clouding mind, not allowing me to think of anything else but the change in flow charts and the lack of evenness in taxes. Or something like that. Yea.

If that had been the only thing I did to procrastinate it might have been acceptable in mind. After all I can't help being excited over the wonderfulness that surrounds the people I hold dear. But hey you know me, if I'm going to do something I do it all the way, and it is for the reason that I was unable to help myself in finding other things to occupy my time with.

Things I did ...
-watched 3 of the Chris Eccelson Dr.Who episodes
-watched 3 episodes of lost
-re-organized my desk while watching said episodes
-re-edited a paper I had already finished
-went over notes I had already memorized
-wrote a song about trees
-balanced my checkbook .. twice
-called friends I haven't talked to recently
-re-painted my nails a different shade of red
-did more quests towards my seeker/loremaster title
-looked up 3 different instructional sites on a particular style of editing I like

So, yes. I am absolutely pro at whatever I choose to do. Sort of. At least we know I'm awesome at procrastinating. Yes. I would love to know some of your more creative ways of procrastination and such :)

Peace, Love & Pancakes
-Liberty

After a conversation with a close friend of mine I realized that people think things. After said conversation she suggested that I write about this:"write about the things that people think have changed and haven't and the things that won't"

People seem to forget how unique everyone else is and that not everybody around them thinks the same way. In particular she had thought that since I had been here for as much time as I had, that I would become accustomed to certain things or that I would change my way of thinking about certain things. I haven't. I've opened my mind and my heart to new ways of dealing and understanding other perspectives and ways of doing things, but that in no way means that I've changed myself or my way of thinking.

So I just thought I'd talk about some things that I don't think will ever change, things that have absolutely changed, and things that have evolved with me.

Things I don't think will ever change...
-Getting excited every time I talk to someone I've missed
-Overzealous nature
-Never wanting to smoke. It's just not something that I want for myself.
-Accepting random sex. Sorry, but no matter how many people do it, it's just not something I'll ever truly understand or ever want to part take in.
-Loving music. It's not a fad. I love music and whether it's 6 year old me dancing to the beatles and Xuxa or 22 year old me excitedly singing along to high school musical and Corrine Bailey Rae music will always be a part of my life. I'm not going to outgrow it.
-Eating at the table. I like eating at the table a lot. I like setting my plate with my fork and knife and my glass to pour the water into and my napkin and setting down and enjoying my meal. No amount of computer gaming hours or living in the states can change that.

Things that have changed ...
-How accepting I am of people. There was a time when I was very closed minded about a lot of things. I used to completely shut people out if I saw them smoking or heard about some of the less than morals things they'd done. I've come to learn that nobody in this world is perfect and that I don't have to hold those around me to the same expectations that I hold myself. Or at least have a different set of expectations for other people.
-How nice I am. I can't help helping people, it's just the way I am. I have a rather maternal nature and I worry about the people me. However, I've come to realize that not everyone deserves that from me. Too many people don't appreciate it. So, while I'll probably always be the one people come to when they need something and while I enjoy being there for those that I care about, I've backed off a lot and don't offer my shoulder to people who only treat me as their rainy day friend.
-How I take things. I used to be insulted at some of the comments that I used to hear either in classes or when I first played WoW. Now a days I know better. I brush it off and don't even waste my time really thinking about it.

I can't help being me :) Hope you're okay with that because that's the only way it's ever going to be!

Peace, Love & Pancakes
-Liberty

My views on happiness.

I feel like everyone regardless of situation has reasons to be happy. End of story. No excuses. However, most people don't see things that way. That's mostly why it's one of my life missions to make people smile as often as I can. Humor is contagious and wonderful. Why not try to share that with other people?

The way I look at things is that few things are worth me being unhappy for, and the ones that are don't really -want- me to ever really be unhappy. Too many of life's everyday occurrences aren't worth stressing out over. Nobody is every going to give you those 5 minutes back. So don't waste them worrying over something that won't matter in 10 years. Enjoy it. Enjoy every single second that you are physically able to enjoy. Being pissy at work isn't going to make those 8 hours pass by any quicker, so be happy. Be happy that you actually have a job, look for things to be happy out and put your best foot forward. It'll make the things you already have to do that much better for you. You're going to have to do it anyway so why not look forward to it.

Notice, how at no point have I stated that being happy and easy going is easy, because it's not. But I can promise that it's worth it. Of course it's not easy to convince yourself that something that's upsetting you so much right now isn't worth your time and that the best thing to do is just let it go and continue on being happy. It's probably the hardest thing to do. It hurts and makes your heart feel like it's sinking and makes your face tense up in the same way a little old Italian lady's face would if she heard about last weekend's party. And that part right there. The part where you feel like you can't let it go or can't get over it, that's the part where I can promise you two things. One, that it will get easier with time, so even if you're not able to let it go and be totally happy right away you'll be able to find that road back to sunshine at your own pace. Two, that your friends are amazing and that this is the time when you're going to need them the most, keep them close to you and surround yourself with those wonderful people you love so dearly, it will help.

Whichever way you want to look at it I hope you can find it in yourself to be happy, stay sane, and don't forget to be awesome :)

Peace, Love & Pancakes
-Liberty

Peace, Love & Pancakes
-Liberty

I never realized how important companionship is to me.

Sitting in the living room with all the lights and television off I feel completely parted from the world. I don't think I like this feeling, which feels off to me because I used to love it.

I guess more than anything I realize I really want a pet. I don't think I'm at the point where I'm ready for another dog, but I want a kitten. For those of you who don't know I had to put my dog to sleep Thanksgiving last year and my cat Jacob passed away earlier last year. Now I'm taking care of a cat named Benjamin. My friend's dad had to be put into a nursing home because he needs to take a lot of medicines and can't climb stairs and what not, and he asked me to take care of the cat.

Benji is a very afraid cat, he's not crazy about people, so when I used to go to pet him he would run away. He used to not even come upstairs and would spend all day barely eating in a corner behind the heater. Now a days he climbs onto my bed and pushes against my hand asking for cuddles. He's still really jumpy, running away at any loud sounds or when I'm walking around the house, but it's for sure an improvement to what it was when I first took him in. I love Benji and I look forward to the small advancements that we make bringing that little fur ball closer to me.

But I still want another cat. I want a little one that can grow with me and be my best friend. There's a lot of different things I miss about having a cat, most of all probably being those little moments when you realize how attached you are to each other.

Who knows? Pretty soon here you might be reading about my new kitten if things go how I'd like them to :)

Peace, Love & Pancakes
-Liberty

Ok this blog goes out to two of my friends. Friend A and Friend B.

I love A and B. You are both wonderful. However .. you need to open your eyes and stop being noobs. A, you love B. B, you love A. Stop questioning yourselves and just go for it. You'll be adorable together. I think that each of you is amazing and I hold you both very dear to me and I wouldn't be writing this if I didn't 100% think this is what is right. You spend hours talking about each other, thinking about the possibilities, and asking me for advice on what to do. STOP TALKING. JUST DO IT. Okay I'm done. :)

That is all.

Peace, Love & Pancakes
-Liberty

I've never been much of a television girl.

The most enthralled I've ever really been with a TV show was Sailor Moon when I was growing up. Waking up extra early everyday that I was at home just to watch it, even if it was a rerun. I had folders, notebooks, the actually books, decks of cards, figurines, the locket, the moon scepter .. you name it.

Jeff introduced me to Wonderfalls, which is still my absolute favorite TV show ever, and Firefly which is amazing. Both of which I literally watched within a week once I got the DVDs. But I generally prefer a good book and some backround music to sitting on the couch watching the tele. I guess that's why I'm so surprised that recently I can't enough of TV shows.

I don't think I'll ever be someone who rushes to the television at a certain hour every week to catch a show, watching it online is just so much more convenient, but I think I've just recently discovered the wonder of just how awesome some shows can be.

Here's a list of TV shows that I would high recommend to absolutely anyone. Honestly, if you haven't watch these at least do yourself a favor and check them out.

Sailor Moon - What can I say, I'm a sucker for strong female role models dressed in cute outfits. More than just a bunch of pretty girls this show will take you through a series of kickass adventures that will not only inspire you to be your best self, but make you laugh and want to watch more.

Glee - Take High School Musical, add more talent, more humor, better plot lines, and a dash of realism and you still won't be close to realizing how amazing this show is. It's addictive. The musical numbers alone will leave you in awe. The fact that the characters are so lovable, even the ones you love to hate, is just icing on this oh so delicious cake. You always want to know what happens next and the laughs just keep on coming.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer - Yet another strong female lead with a twist, if you haven't seen this .. you're missing out. You just are.

Dr.Who - Possibly the most amazing show EVER. You get so attached to the doctor and his adventures and the TARDIS and the companions and the story and wanting to know more and at the end of every night you're going to wish the doctor would pick YOU.

LOST - I fully blame this one on The Oceanic Six. My need to know what all the references in their songs meant over took my better knowing side that urged me not to get addicted to yet another show. All it took was 20 minutes into the first episode and I was already turning off my phone and sumbitting myself to the rest of it. I can not get enough. Watch it once and you'll be hooked I promise.

Firefly - Not enough credit or pride was ever given to this show. I feel like I can't find the right words to talk about how amazing it is. So well thought out and poignantly entertaining, this show will be one of your favorites if you give it a try.

Wonderfalls - Sadly, there is one season of the show, which I of course have on DVD. I love the dynamic between the characters and how it just makes you wish you a part of that family, or at very least go visit Niagra Falls to imagine one Miss Jay Tyler not living to the fullest of her potential in the funniest way possible.

Tsubasa Chronicles - A totally awesome Anime, I can't think of how to describe it. It literally took me one episode to get hooked to the point of currently working on making the costume for Princess Sakura. I love this show. So much. It's ridiculous. You have to at least give this show a try. The story line is addictive and imaginative and just completely full of win.

PSYCH - Witty, well written, and downright hilarious, I absolutely love this show. 'Nuff said.

The Guild - This is basically based of World Of Warcraft, but even if you haven't played the game I guarantee these 5 minute video clips will have your ROFL and begging for the next one to come out :)

I hope you discover something wonderful here!

Peace, Love & Pancakes
-Liberty

I love to raid.

Whether you've been playing World of Warcraft for two months or two years, most people can agree that raiding is where it's at. You spend all this time leveling and working on gear so that you can hold your own in a raid where you can get even better gear and feel somewhat accomplished. The key I suppose is that it's a group effort. While doing heroics can be easily done with 5 random strangers and takes a minimal amount of effort. raiding takes more coordination and requires people to not only pay attention, but have more than a basic knowledge of their class and role.

At least that's what I'd like to believe.

And then Blizzard does things like release Trial of the Crusader. Which really should have been named Toil of the Faceroller. It's a joke. While I am fully aware that heroic mode offers much more of a challenge and isn't as easily accomplished, I still just plain out do not agree with people thinking they're awesome at raiding because they can accomplish something as simple as clearing ToC. It's like giving all 9 kids in a race a trophy for participation.

"Here you go! Even though you have no real skill and don't really know how to best play your class or even go read to maybe learn how, you can still have gear! Even though you wouldn't get past all of the keepers in Ulduar you can do ToC and have better gear than those Ulduar noobs would've ever gotten! Free loots for all!"

And as if that wasn't enough they had to go and add the badge gear. They've already taken away attunements for everything. Which basically means being able to zone into something means absolutely nothing and getting to go somewhere takes absolutely no effort because guess what?! Ding! Level 80! Ta-da! You're automatically attuned for everything!

Well guess what you incompetent jerk. I did the ridiculously long Onyxia (level 60) attunement quest chain on 4 toons, all of which also did BRD for the MC quest, UBRS for BWL attunement, and grinded out the Naxx (level 60) attunement too. I farmed mats for 4 different sets of resistance gear and farmed out reputation with different factions. I got my karazhan key on 6 toons. I zoned into SSC & TK before June 19th, 2007 and I got my Medallion of Karabor before patch 2.4. I'm a Champion of the Naruu.. what up? Yes, that's right. I spent a lot of time farming heroics and running dungeons so that I could be in the best possible shape that I could be before even stepping foot inside of a raid. I took the time and spent hours raiding to be able to see things Mount Hyjal and Black Temple and even Sunwell, before they were "easy mode."

I am so sorry for you if you simply just do not have the time to commit to a raiding guild and therefore find it necessary to complain about those of that do. But having Blizzard constantly catering to these people makes it less fun for those of us who enjoy a particular level of difficulty. Mostly because I spent countless hours in Ulduar, which actually took effort, and now someone can ding level 80 today, do heroics for about 2 days, and be in better gear. The worst part is that people have this illusion that Gear = Skill. Let me explain something to you. Just because you have the ability to go into a heroic dungeon and press 3 different buttons aside from the arrow keys and you've learned how to interact with an NPC to the point of being able to exchange badges for gear does not mean you know how to play. Just because your gear score is a nice, bloated number that doesn't mean you know not to stand in fire, move out of whirlwind, or how to even consistently do your job in a raid while doing both of those things.

Sure, ToC doesn't really require you to know much about your class and thus far Icecrown Citadel has been puggable, but not to worry. If you haven't been able to full clear it yet I'm sure Blizzard will be nerfing it soon enough and you'll get your shiny loots. Wipe those tears away dear noob, Blizzard isn't going to start listening to people like me anytime soon.

I love to raid, but dang is WoW frustrating sometimes.

That's all I really have to say about that. I'll be seeing you tomorrow .. if not in a raid then maybe out in icecrown doing daileys.. after all, even noobs need repair money.

Peace, Love & Pancakes
-Liberty

I love happy endings.

That's why I tend to gravitate towards Disney movies. They give you this sense that even though everything looks grim, the sunshine will always find it's way through. More importantly I suppose is that in the end you feel like everything is going to be fine. Like nothing, no matter what is going to get in the way of happiness and good again. Lessons have been learned and priorities realized. I don't like to think that life will be perfect in a happy ending. Mostly because perfect is such an unreliable word. It means so many different things to so many different people. No, instead I like to think that happy endings are the point where a person realizes been wrong and missing and then finds that way that's perfect for them to not only be happier but more self aware and responsible of their future.

Cinderella wasn't just happy because she got a hot, new husband, who just so happened to love her, and an upgrade in the lifestyle department, but because she made a promise to herself to not allow anyone to disrespect her the way her family had ever again and she learned her own self worth. Her happy ending doesn't mean that she and her love at first sight prince charming will be together, but it does mean that whatever comes her way she'll be able to approach it more confidently and more level headed. And I'm happy for her.

Most princesses are actually rather weak minded in most of the Disney Movies and as such most of the lessons learned are those of self value, appreciation for different things in life and independence. I suppose that's why my favorite princesses are Jasmine and Mulan. They're so baddass and I love how self assured they both are. If you analyze it they both have strong families behind them that love and support them. There really is a lot to be said about family and raiding children in most Disney films.

For Jasmine the lessons and happiness weren't just for her. She already believed in herself and not only accepted Aladin, but loved him regardless of where he came from. It was the sultan whom learned acceptance and that not all traditions were meant to last forever. Aladin learned that status is just a title and that he's worth more than he had ever previously believed. A big part of that movie's happy ending was of course the love story and I personally not only enjoyed it, but appreciated that they actually formed a strong foundation for their relationship making this one of the few movies that really makes me believe they had true love that could possibly last forever.

So I guess the bottom line is that it isn't really a happy ending, but a happy beginning. I'm still looking for mine and I have no doubt that sooner or later when I least expect it there it'll be. Who knows? I may even get my own special version of Aladin too :)

Peace, Love & Pancakes
-Liberty

Today's blog comes from a suggestion made by my good friend Joe. He said "write about Haiti and why it is that people can raise millions in a day for them, but cant raise that much in a year to help solve our own problems."

My heart goes out to the people in Haiti, it genuinely does. It's tragic that those people had to lost everything that hey had worked so hard for. It's not only physically but emotionally draining to deal with. I dont deny that it's literally heart clenching to view the images of what's happening.

However, that is not what I'm here to discuss. I'm here to talk about people's priorities and outlook on not only the world, but themselves. I'm not even going to go into the money that doesn't actually get to the people who need it and goes into overly bloated bank accounts instead. My question is why do people devalue themselves? I will one last time reiterate that I'm not saying the situation in Haiti isn't important and timely. But aren't we important too? Isn't our economic crisis insignificant? Do the homeless and the orphaned and the suck in our own country mean nothing? Do they not matter or not exist simply because they're not on the media every ten minutes with pictures of their misfortune being shoved down our throats everywhere we look? Or maybe it's because there's no big named celebrities representing their cause, so you just don't think it's a big deal.

The reason these problems aren't being solved isn't because nobody notices, it's because not enough people care. You might see a homeless man on your way to work or know a sick child, but most people won't donate ten dollars to that and I don't see anyone organizing a collection fund to solve the multitudes of problems in the US.

Personally, I think that people are too caught up with themselves to care about what's going on around them, but when they have a chance to feel like their making a difference then they take some action. We talk about taking care of the world and people in other countries when we can barely take care of ourselves. It doesn't make sense and it's sad.

I feel sorry for the people of Haiti. I feel sorry for the rest of the world too.

Peace, Love & Pancakes
-Liberty

Beliefs are awesome.

I in fact think that a person whom has no beliefs and no personal opinions is useless. You need to think for yourself otherwise you're a drone. Not that agreeing with a large group or a majority automatically means your wrong, but agreeing with a large group or majority only because it's the large group or majority is wrong. Make sure that you know why you believe in something and the reason is good enough for YOU. Don't worry about what someone else might think, but analyze your reasons for thinking a certain way and make sure that you're doing it for you, because it's what you truly in your heart believe is right.

More than having your own thoughts, it's important to be able to respect other people's thoughts. That doesn't mean being easily swayed or agreeing with that person. It means even when you are completely opposed and secretly think that person is a completely close minded idiot for a particular opinion, you can still let them talk and explain their point of view without interrupting and without starting world war three. You should at very least -try- to see where that person is coming from, not for the purpose of changing the way you think, but to have a better understanding of the other side and because most of the time if you know a point of view better you'll better know how to counter act it.

I can respect people who talk about things they believe in, but I have so much more respect if they can listen to other people too. My beliefs tend to be different quite a bit of the time and the people closest to me are those who have a little understand of how I see things and can respect me regardless of the fact of how differently we see whatever it is we're looking at. One of the things about myself that I'm proudest of is being able to accept, respect, and sometimes even understand different point of views. It's something I wish more people did. Or at least tried to do.

Here are some things that if you can think somewhat like what I've outlined you might enjoy talking or debating about with someone you enjoy talking with :) Try it out .. see how far you can push the limits of your understanding most of all your imagination ..
-Aliens
-Organ regeneration
-Religion
-Dolly the cloned sheep
-Twilight
-Social groups at schools
-Level of education in varying countries
-World History
-The News

That's all I have for you today! See you lovely people tomorrow. OH By the way .. I need a suggestion for something to write about tomorrow .. so if you have an idea just let me know!

Peace, Love & Pancakes
-Liberty

MY THING.

Okay. I'm going to try something with my blog. I'm going to try to theme the days. Let's see what happens. This is what I've thought so far.

Monday Gaming
Tuesday Literature and/or Music and/or Media
Wednesday Friends
Thursday My Life and/or My Thoughts
Friday Something I haven't written about before
Saturday Suggested by Someone Else
Sunday Completely Up To Me

SO I think this will not only keep me more focused, but make it fun for me. It's only January and I can't count the times I've thought I had nothing to write about or was too tired to think. No more slacking. I will not just blog, but put forth my best effort and by golly I am going to have fun doing it. So, let me get started on My Life and/or My Thoughts.

-----

I just now realized how broad this topic is, but I think I generalized the topics because I want to leave myself room for anything I might want to write about relating to that topic. Today I'll tell you about my thoughts on love, mostly because I just finished talking to my friend Julie and I can't get over how absolutely amazing she is and how much I love being her friend. Love love love. All you need is love.

Even in Maslow's hierarchy of needs you can't put love above food, water, health, morality, and security on bunch of different levels, and personally in my eyes you can't really put it above self esteem and respect. I can not stress enough how important I think it is to be able to love yourself before you can expect someone else to really love you.

It really bothers me that the english dictionary has so many definitions for the word. It's just wrong. Lust and Selflessness do NOT mean the same thing, especially not under the intentions of the word of Love.

I guess the bottom line is you need love, but just because it's something that you also want .. you can't put it above your other needs. Even if maybe you don't really want to breathe all that much. Or something.

Peace, Love & Pancakes
-Liberty

Rambling. It's good.

So I feel like I start a lot of sentences with so. Earlier today I had a massive Reese's craving, it was insane like I considered the things that I would've done for a Reese's at that point and I'm not proud to say I would probably have sold my mother. Right now I'm mostly just wanting some cream cheese on some crackers, but that requires me to get up again and seeing as I just sat down I don't foresee that happening. See?! Isn't that cool?! I can foresee things. I'm awesome like that. I foresee sleep tonight and I foresee Reese's tomorrow. Oh snap. Next week I'm going to the police station because I bought a present and a card for my most favoritest policeman for Christmas and I just haven't had the time to drop it off. It's going to be totally awesome.

I want to go to Italy and eat lasagna. Who wants to come with me. We can either do the whole magical flying carpet thing or rent a unicorn that can fly. But in all honesty I've actually put a lot of thought into both and I just don't see either of those being particularly comfortable. So instead I propose that we invent a flying machine way cooler than an airplane that can be magically enchanted to be not only invisible and faster, but bigger on the inside and of course it has to run on dreams. Or music. Music can work too. In fact I'm not even that picky. It can be a machine that can only have certain spawn points, as long you get to pick them. That'd be awesome. So yea. Totally. Italy. Let's go. Now. Well.. maybe after a nap.

Naps are good. I'm going to take one. /Hug

Peace, Love & Pancakes
-Liberty

I tried walking out of the house with no shoes on this morning.

That should be an indication of how tired I was. And considering I only slept for half an hour today, it's safe to say that I still am. I really hate to half ass this, but honestly I don't feel like I can really write anything right now. I promise that tomorrow I'll give you something amazing. Right now what I need is sleep. Lots of sleep.

Probably a hug too. Night <3

Peace, Love, Pancakes & A Nap
-Liberty

Today is awesome because it's almost over.

Wait a minute! That sounds rather emo Lib.

I know.

Why are you acting so emo today?

I'm not. But maybe it can be said that i feel rather tired and a little bit, jsut a little bit annoyed because I had been writing a blog earlier for almost two hours and someone's lack of consideration in deciding to close my laptop in an attempt to gain my attention caused all that work to be lost.

Oh. Well that kind of blows.

You don't say! By golly you must be a genius.

Don't get snippy with me miss.

I'm not getting snippy.

I'm telling you .. do NOT use that tone with me.

Fine. Whatever. So I'm kind of pissed. I'm sorry if I'm not really in the mood to be diplomatic, nice, or share my chocolate with you.

You has chocolate? I can has?

No. And learn to speak English.

I can speak English you Noob. You're just being mean.

BLARGH AWRETAWR!

And you're telling me. that I need English? Please. You can't even properly execute a Murloc sound.

You're getting on my nerves.

I think that you are just tired and cranky and need a nap. Why don't you go ahead and take a little piece of chocolate. Mind you I said a LITTLE piece and go on and lay down and relax. Listen to that new band, the one that makes the music baed on the show Lost and try and get some sleep.

But I have things I need to ..

NO. GO. NOW. I'll finish this up for you and take care of the rest. Go on.

/sigh. oookay I'll talk to you later alter ego.

Later Lib <3

......

Okay! So hello there! My day has been a numerous amount of different adjectives, but mostly just long. I will shortly be joining the rest of me in a little piece of chocolate, although secretly I'm going to have an extra piece since she'll be asleep.

I CAN STILL HEAR YOU!

Okay, nevermind that extra piece. That was -totally- a joke. Totally. Yea.

Yea. Uh huh. I'm not going anywhere missy. I'm going to stay riiight here until you're finished and I can administrate the chocolate properly.

Fine. That's fine just let me blog and stay out of the way.

Out of the way? PLEASE. This is MY blog just as much as it yours. Okay? So don't be going all crazy wacko on me.

Okay, whatever it takes to fall asleep at night. Just let me blog. Are you going to be quiet now?

No.

Ugh! Fine.

Fine.

Okay.

Okay then.

So yea guys! How was your day?

Wait...

What?

That's how you're starting off a blog? that's so lame.

As if you could do better.

As a matter of fact .. I could.

Okay little miss sunshine and roses go for it.

Hello all you wonderful, magnificent, fabulous people who are reading this delightfully, happy message! I know that your day has just been absolutely awesome because you are now reading this blog! Welcome to the highlight of your day! :D

Omg.

See! That is how it's done. KKthnxbai

That is a load of crap.

You know what. You call me emo but at least I can write awesome literature.

PUH-LEASE! you can not seriously be calling that literature. UGH you're distracting me from writing the blog again. Go away.

YOU go away! NOOBFACE.

Nubcake.

SLACKER.

Caps lock abuser.

CHOCOHOLIC.

Misspeller.

You think you're just so smart don't you?

Why, yes. As a matter of fact I think we're both relatively smart.

Really? you think I'm smart?

Well if I didn't I'd inherently be calling myself dumb .. soo yea.

Okay, you complimented me. I'm gunna go listen to music and let you finish this up. /HUG

Right then. Where was I?

You were talking about how awesome I am.

I thought you were going away now?

I was. But then you asked a question and so I had to answer.

Okay thanks for the answer ... later.

Later!

Well. I .. don't really know how to explain this blog. Maybe I'm a little crazy and maybe I'm a little tired and maybe it's a little of both. But hey, you still love me right?

Me too!

Peace, Love & Pancakes
-Liberty

No matter how much lotion I use on a daily basis I feel like my elbows are still dry.

So it kind of bothers me that I feel like everything I do has no focus. Well okay, not everything. My life is working up towards a set of goals. I'm talking about my projects. Not that my projects don't have a definitive direction or anything like that. I guess I'm just talking about that one thing that everyone has. Like someone who blogs about cooking recipes or someone who makes movie review videos. I don't have that one thing. I love many different things very passionately and I don't feel like my love for one thing is taking away from my dedication to another, I just would like to have that thing.

I don't exactly know why it bothers me or why right now and I'm not even going to try to find that thing right now or anything of the sort, but I am hoping that in the year long commitment I've made to make things more awesome that I'll find it. I remember talking to a friend of mine about doing a podcast and how much fun it would be, but when she asked me what we'd make it about I was stumped. Not to mention that it seems like there's already podcasts about all the things I love.

I'm going to start looking at everything and try to find that one thing. If you have any ideas or thoughts about any of it then holler and let's talk. I suppose what I should be trying to do is zoom in on thing that I love and do something awesome with it. I just have to figure out what that is and what exactly to with it. Sounds rather simple right? We shall see!

That's all for now, I've been listening to more music but I'll leave that for another day!

Peace, Love & Pancakes
-Liberty

Don't really want to focus too much on anything.
In fact I'm really in much of a mood for anything right now! Feeling kind of lazy, so I'll just post a little piece of something that I've been working on.

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A long time ago there lived a race of peaceful pancakes. They were strong pancakes who valued warmth, family, and friendship. They lived atop Pancake Mountain in a town they named Pantopia. Everything was well amongst them for a long time and they got along with everyone, in fact the only trace of war in their history had been the battle between ... See Morethe Chocolate chips and the Blueberries. The two had fought ruthlessly for years until the Pancakians stepped in and made peace between them. Pauly Flour, the Pancakians leader who was much younger at that time, was able to make them see that war will only lead to more pain and more awful stains. Some of the stains could still be seen from the top of the mountain, but they only served as a reminder of what lack of peace will bring.That's all anyone really remembers from that era, but anyone who was actually around can tell you that although there was no war in Pantopia, tensions still ran high because they were being pressured to participate in the war. They were being asked to pick sides. It was at that time, that they began to train .. the Pancake Ninjas.
A wise old pancake who had come to Pantopia from a foreign land called China to find peace felt a surge of worry rush through him and he knew he had to train these people to be ninjas in case they ever did need to go to war. He loved this town and it's gloriousness with every particle of his pancake being and he would never let anything harm it if ... See Morehe could stop it. He began to study the towns people, wondering how he would selected the right people. A Pancake Ninja is very sacred and the right to be one even more so. He went to different schools, looked at sports players, looked at some of the strongest pancakes, but couldn't find what he was looking for. Late one day he went to the grocery store to buy some ice cream and that's when he saw her.
Patsy Carkio was a tall, lightly browned pancake with bright eyes and a huge dimpled smile. She had this light around her everywhere she went and her laughter was contagious. She was also 8 years old. The Old Pancake tapped patsy on the shoulder and she turned around looking up at him.

"HELLO!" Patsy she said waving at him excitedly.

"Hello there ... See Morelittle girl. Do you know what a ninja is?" He asked patiently.

"A ninja!? Isn't that kind of like an ice cream man!?" She asked loudly looking at the ice cream he was holding. He laughed a deep hearty laugh knowing this would be the girl who one day save Pantopia.

At first Patsy's mom thought it strange and inapropriate that the old pancake wanted to spend so much time with her, but as time passed and after many supervised visits her mom began to trust him. The old pancake would tell little Patsy stories of ninjas and their heritage. Of ninjas who could fly and jump as high as any ceiling. Patsy was ... See Morefascinated and wanted to know where they were and if she could be a ninja too. He explained that they only fought if and when it was absolutely neccessary to do so. And that being a ninja was just as much about being at peace with the world as it was about protecting everything you love. Patsy made a lot of promises about not telling anyone and being a good learner if he could teach her to be a ninja. That's when they started training.

The old pancake gave her books to read and they talked a lot about the things she read. She was frustrated about having to do more homework and wanted to know when they would begin to actually train. She was eager to learn to jump high and run as fast as the wind. He promised that with the time she would and explained that it was important she understand not just the cool stories but the history and where they originated from.

One day the old pancake arose from his afternoon nap to the sound of his lawn being mowed. When he walked to the window he did a double take as he saw a young man doing flips and turns on the mower as if gravity didn't pertain to him. He knew instantly that this would be the next ninja.

He walked down to the yard and jumped right in front of the mower startling the young pancake.

"AHH!" He screamed.

"What are you doing!? Are you trying to get yourself killed!? I could have mowed right over you!" He exclaimed exasperated. This caused the old pancake to burst out into laughter.

"You think this is funny!? Gah! What's wrong with you!? Why do I always get the looneys!" He asked throwing his arms in the air.

"I am not a loony. I am Piester Miyago. And you are going to be a ninja." He said decidedly. ... See More

"Dude, I'm Danny Lacake." He said worriedly pointing at his name tag.

"Tell me Danny Lacake, where did you learn to jump and flip like that.

Danny explained about being in love with gymnastics and practicing in private because his friends would laugh at him. Danny found great comfort in Mr.Miyago and although the crazy ninja stories were sometimes boring to listen to he came over everyday after school to talk with him.

Mr.Miyago eventually spoke to Danny again about being a ninja and by this time the trust between them had grown and Danny wanted to know why he always put up this big joke about ninjas. Piester jumped out of his chair, clung on the ceiling and within another moment was at the other end of the room. He showed Danny his ninja swords while Danny clung on to his chair in surprise. He finally believed him and agreed to start training immediately.

Danny showed up at Mr.Miyago's house the next day and went around back to wait knowing he had come early. A couple minutes later Patsy skipped across the lawn and sat next to Danny crossing her legs and closing her eyes peacefully, her usual smile painted across her face. Danny blinked a few times and looked down at her.

"Who are you? What are you doing here?" He asked half amused and half annoyed that this little runt might postpone his training.

"Same thing you are." She responded simply.

"Yea, right. Listen little girl, you need to leave. Me and Mr.Myago have very important grown up stuff to talk about and he's going to tell you to go home anyway so just leave okay?" He tried to reason and she giggled.

"Mr.Miyago told me all about you Danny Lacake. He's going to train you to be a ninja too, he said you'd probably be more stubborn than me." she said.... See More

"What!? But you're a little kid!" Danny exclaimed.

"And she's going to make a fantastic ninja." Piester said appearing from nowhere.

"Mr.Miyago!" Patsy squeeled getting up to hug him.

"Patsy give Danny your books, you're finished reading for now. Go start meditating and I'll be there shortly." Patsy nodded shorty before placing a stack of books in Danny's lap and merrily skipping around the corner of the house. Danny's face was stunned half in confusion, half in a great dislike of the fact that a little girl was going to be a ninja. He thought being a ninja was special, he thought it meant something.

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So it's obviously not finished nor has it been edited, you can tell because there's not enough details for my style of writing :P But I hope you enjoy!

Peace, Love & Pancakes

-Liberty

Phew! These past few days have been kind of killer schedule wise.

Wednesday morning I was so angry that I double worked myself on the treadmill and the elliptical to the point where a few folks asked me if I was alright and someone said that I looked very intense. They have no clue. But that's over, I'm fine now. A little tired maybe and looking forward to some time off so I can spend time with my friends and work on some of my projects, but not fuming. Which is good.

Yesterday I really wanted to write about the word supermarket, but I was too busy and tonight I honestly don't think I feel like it. Instead I'll talk about loving things. A friend of mine once told me that the secret to life was being very passionate about very many things and if that's true then i have got it made! I love so many things and so I'll share some of the things I'm currently in love with...

The new cds that are coming out by OKGO and Vampire Weekend .. I can not wait! Soo stoked to hear their new stuff, the singles that have been released have me waiting impatiently on the edge of my seat.

Geek pride! I am all for celebrating the intelligence and wonderfulness of those who aren't afraid to be silly and lately with all the days dedicated to this or that nerdy thing I've been enjoying myself, being able to cater to all things geeky.

Justin Bieber. Okay before you go and shun me forever hear me out on this one. He's a little kid, he's like your friend's cute little brother that has really pinchable cheeks and makes you giggle when you try to hold back an 'aww!" Plus his music is cute. It's all about the kind of love you used to, or maybe still do, dream about having when you were naive or fell in love for the first time. It's very happy go lucky, cutesy and sometimes a girl just needs a little pinch of that back in their life. Plus he wore a star wars tshirt with flowers on it in one of his videos .. cmon .. that has to give the kid -some- credit.

Dance videos. Thanks to my best friend I am currently having fun watching lots and lots of dance videos. I love watching groups of people doing all these complicated movements in time with the beat so fluidly that you almost forget they're separate entities. It all started with videos of this one russian dude teaching a dance class and after watching all of his videos, I watched all of his g/f's videos and then all of his student's videos too. Now I'm watching various dance competitions and judging on how much I like what they do! lol I love being a nerd.

Digital art. This one is because of Emily. She make these really amazing looking glittery things. I can't explain it, but trust me it's awesome. She's a big fan of a lot of different digital artists and the other day while checking out some of her favorites I ran into one guy that I really really like. His style of art is so fun and cheery, but still with a ping edge to it. Martin Abel. He's a digital art genius. And thus I've been diving deeper into different artists and reveling in the beauty of this kind of art that I never really used to give a second thought to.

Driving. I never realized how much I actually like it. I love listening to the music in the car and taking my time getting places. I don't really speed and I like calm driving. Pretending like the rest of the world isn't cursing and in a rush when I can't hear them over the sound of the radio. I can't wait to take my roadtrips this year.

That's about it more or less :) See you tomorrows!

Peace, Love & Pancakes
-Liberty

Hey, got really busy today so it's going to be another short one.

I really wanted to write about the word supermarket, but that'll have to wait till tomorrow. I wanted to tell you about my nails .. that's going to have to wait too. I wanted to eat brownies .. that'll have to wait a few months. Slash cry. So instead I'll give you a quick list of things you should always remember ...

you are amazing
pancakes are cool
school is killer awesome
nom nom nom
being mean to someone is bad
hungry bear is hungry
you will never be as epic as chuck norris
Gandalf > Dumbledore
Harry Potter > Twilight
Justin Beiber is still illegal
Russian accented boys that make dance videos on youtube are hawt
stalking is not good
the Jo Bros will never date you
Pork Chop sandwiches .. mmm

And don't forget to be awesome

Peace. Love & Pancakes
-Liberty

I'm pretty proud of myself so far. So far being the key words.

I've been exercising 6 days a week, eating a little bit every 3 hours, blogging everyday, and slowly working towards my list of things I want to do this year. Not that I think I'm going to fail, but I think it's really important that I not get lazy with any of this and that I just keep it up, which I fully intend to do. The summer is going to be a big time for me since I don't plan on taking any summer classes and I'll have lots of time off. Right now I need to stay focused on balancing my responsibilities with these things that I've set out to do, and more importantly stay happy and sane while doing so. (wtb positive reinforcement from friends pst)

I need to get a hair cut like I need to eat pancakes, which is pretty much a whole lot. I'll probably do that later next week along with mailing out a whole bunch of stuff. I've accumulated a whole bunch of things that I need to send out ranging from birthday presents and their respective cards to tins of home-made cookies to no reason other than I miss you letters. I love sending mail because there's always that small chance that instead of an OMG THANK YOU call or email, the person will respond with mail too, not even necessarily to say thank you, but just for kicks. And mail always makes me happy. Maybe because it's more personal or maybe because there's nothing quite like breathing in the crisp morning air walking down to the mailbox and the joy I get from feeling the soft dulled edges of an envelope addressed to me. I love it. Either way I'm sure next week will be as action packed as ever. C'est la vie!

OH! One last thing. I love questions. I need questions. I want questions. Please give me questions! I have a lot of fun answering them :D So gimme! (http://www.formspring.me/itsjustlib)

Peace, Love & Pancakes
-Liberty

My heart hurts a lot today.

Not the kind of immediate hurt that happens as soon as something happens, but the kind of hurt that happens over time or comes back just to remind you of the hurt that already happened. This particular incident isn't really an incident at all, it's not like something awful happened today that's made me feel this way. It's more of an accident. The person responsible doesn't really know they're doing it and that's my fault for not saying anything about it. I haven't said anything partly because I don't want to bug this person, partly because I'm afraid to find out that they don't really care (even though I know this one is probably very silly), and partly because I don't want to make anything into a big deal when it's not. So instead I suck it up and deal with it, hoping it'll eventually stop. All the small things that make me feel like this, all the little things that I'm afraid to ask for. I want to think it's this or that and for the time being I'll keep on believing that it's a whole list of other things. I don't really know what to do about it. There's nothing but time that can really make it feel better. I'm usually okay it just hurts especially today because I was reminded of it, which too is my fault.

Other than that ..

My day was happily plain complete with the gym in the morning followed closely by work, seeing a friend, eating every few hours, a surprise visit, chicken, rice, broccoli, a message from someone I've missed, lots of writing, and as usual too much thinking. I thought about the economic problem in the states, several trips that I'll be making this year, public education in the US, the lack of care in the public education in the US, the children I one day hope to have, my gray boots and how wonderful they are, getting a hair cut, going to the Chinese lady's house, classes starting again, the lack of nail polish on my nails, changing my phone number on purpose, missing my friends, the happiness that I get from reading, a set of photos that I want to take, ecology, going camping, titles, the red polka dotted white backround, and a variety of other random things.

I guess the main thing I got from today was that tomorrow is going to be better.

<3

Peace, Love & Pancakes
-Liberty

I feel the need to talk about this today.

The only thing you really have is yourself. You have your family, friends, and the people that you love, and in a perfect world they'll be around forever. But we don't live in a perfect world and at the end of the day the only constant in your life is you. From the time when you're born until it's your time to rest the only thing that will be there always is you.

I'm not saying this to sound emo or say that you shouldn't care about other people, that's just ignorant and rather silly. What I am saying however is that you should love yourself. You are the only one who is forever going to have to live with you. Loving others is a wonderful thing, but you need to love yourself first. If you change yourself for someone else, you're the only one who's going to have to deal with that in the long run. It saddens me to see far too many people try to be something their not for other people or try to live up to someone else's standards. As corny and out played as the saying is just 'be yourself' and if other people want to enjoy that with you then awesome, and if not then that's their loss.

On a lighter note ..

I've started writing songs for a musical. That's fun. Don't ask too much about it now because most of the details aren't really worked out and more than likely I'm going to but this project on the back burner so I can do something other things that I've been working on, but by golly has it been fun. :)

That's all I really have for now I suppose, I'll see you tomorrow. *hug*

Peace, Love & Pancakes
-Liberty

It's days like this I miss my dog the most.

I overslept which makes today my day off from working out which means tomorrow is going to kinda of suck between church, working out, and all the other things that Sundays usually mean. I was feeling a little under weather last night and while today I'm feeling better my head hasn't stopped playing it's drummer boy theme all day. I was half asleep going to the funeral this morning and went right back to sleep when I got home, to the point where it all felt very disorienting and for the first few hours after waking up again I thought that the whole thing had been a bad dream.

I spent most of the day over-thinking my relationships with certain people, which probably did my headache no good, leveling my first ever alliance paladin, and drinking too much water. Usually on days where I spend a lot of time at home I'd have Babe here to cuddle with and talk to, his bark and constant crave of my attention made me feel less alone. Oddly, I don't really want to talk anyone today. I just feel like keeping this time to myself and thinking and writing and doing whatever else tickles my fancy. Seeing Emily's comments on facebook makes me smile and feel closer to here even though we haven't spoken today. Being in the total quiet is rather peaceful and relaxing, with nothing but my breathing to break the sound. I can close my eyes and feel as if I'm far away from all of this. It's not like everything is all bad either, don't get me wrong. It's just nice sometimes to have a little away time.

I feel so uncertain about some things .. I wish I could just have answers. Worst of all I feel kind of dumb for not being to just ask the things I want to ask and tell people what it is I want. It's not a feeling I'm used to. I wouldn't really say that I'm the shy type. If I want something I'll usually find a diplomatic way of asking for it and getting it. But I guess that's a story for another time.

For now .. au revoir mon amies <3

peace, love & pancakes
-Liberty

OMG RAWR! HAI NO INTRO JUST NEEDING TO RAMBLE!

Caps are cool. Totally. So yea. I might have totally forgotten till the last minute about writing a blog and you might have to deal with something very short and sparse and crazy and random.

Random thoughts that come to my mind that I can type in the 7 minutes that I have ..

pancakes are amazing
i love you even when you drive me crazy
im craving peanut butter
i dont even want to name a child of mine isabella or jessica
i hate people who can never be self sufficient
avatar was a crazy insane movie
i wont how arsen is doing
i hate not capitalizing things
i wish i knew how to get what i wanted from certain people
i wanna paint my nails red again
i wonder how many of these i can start with i
i like how all the i's look
i i i i i i
i need chapstick
i also need a hug
i think im too hard on myself at times
i want a new bracelet, not another chunky one, one like my HK one
i think my previous statement said one too many times
i hate that i feel unimportant to you
i think thats enough with the i
breaking the cycle ftw
is having an obsessive personality unhealthy?
fall hard, fall fast, and fall forever ftl
omg just discovered 4chan today
if you rub my back ill give you a cookie
im feeling very attention whorish right now, who can i go bug hmm
okay im outa here, tomorrow will be better :P

LOVE YOU!

Peace, Love & Pancakes
-Liberty

Did you know ...

So some of my friends think they know me oooh so well. Oh ya?! Well I've compiled a short list of things you probably didn't know. Because like one of my favorite people tells me "I'm unique" and not -completely- predictable :P

Things you probably didn't know about me ...
-When I was younger I wanted to change my name to Samantha, mostly because of the American Girl doll. She was my favorite.
-I've never died my hair, unless you count the time me and Lucy tried this washout stuff in our hair to look more like rock stars for a music video we did.
-When I was little I watched Jurassic Park and after being scared with dinosaurs sounds at night by my loving cousins I had nightmares about it till I was 12. The sound still makes me squirm in the most uncomfortable way.
-Jasmine is my favorite princess.
-In an undercover newspaper I participated in my Pseudo name was 'Ellemar' which is how you pronounce my initials .. L.M.R.
-I don't like having my nails too long.
-I'm really awful at receiving compliments and I often think people are mistaken when I do get one .. but I secretly enjoy them.
-While pancakes are my favorite breakfast food and one of my favorite foods all around, my favorite dinner food is chicken marsala and potatoes au gratin.
-I hate being called a princess, unless it's by the person I'm with in a non negative connotation sort of way or by Junior when he calls me the Little Spanish Princess .. it makes me smile.
-Richard Gere was my first crush, I used to blush when my mom would talk about him and get excited every time I heard his name on TV.
-My favorite video game characters are Yoshi and Kirby.
-I don't think soul mates are real, yet I secretly pray on a daily basis that they are.
-I love how I feel when I wear high heels.
-There's a squirrel that lives in a tree outside of my bedroom window that I named Bob and greet every morning when I wake up if he's around.
-It means the world to me when someone I love send me a greeting card out of nowhere.
-When I was 7 I wrote my first set of story books entitled "Las adventuras de Susana" (Susan's Adventures) which were published on pieces of paper folded in half about a small pink female dot and her incredibly exciting life which included things like not having enough supplies for a party and losing her favorite doll in the jungle.
-When I was younger I tried finding green looking spiders (because green meant it was radio active) with the intent of convincing it to bite me so I could get a bunch of awesome spidey like powers.
-I cry when I watch Lion King or Lilo & Stitch
-I once had a huuuge crush on a guy who turned out to be gay.
-I've fallen asleep on the train and passed my stop and had to take another train back .. twice.
-I could never really pick one favorite song, but I sing 'When I'm 64' by the beatles at least once a day. When I was little I used to stand on the kitchen table and sing it for my whole family.
-I get sun burnt really fast, but can't help loving being in the sun.
-In the summer I love laying on the hammock with a thin blanket over me, a pillow under my head, and closing my eyes when the breeze blows by.

Boo ya! What now nubcakes?!

Peace, Love & Pancakes
-Liberty

All you need is love .. and maybe a little music

Today was very thankfully uneventful.

The muscles in my arms are still really sore. All I had to do at the gym today was treadmill and some elliptical machines and that wasn't too bad. My legs aren't really that sore and I'm hoping that they aren't tomorrow morning either! Haha!

I've been thinking about something that Stefan said my first day with Camille, that I have all the support that I need right there at the gym. I like that thought, that there's people there willing to be supportive and give me that extra eumph that I need, but in all reality that's not the only support I need or (very thankfully) have.

Thinking about it today I realized that I actually need a lot more than I've been willing to admit in the past. Need in general that is, not just support. I've always been very independent and self reliant, and I don't think that's going to change. I do however need attention. The right kinds from the right people. (I'm so complicated aren't I? Any sort of attention just won't do it for me .. geesh! Who do I think I am?!) When I like someone I want more attention from that person which explains why I enjoy being around my friends as much as I do and why a couple days away from the people I care about most feels like forever.
I realized that while I love being around a lot of people I love all at once, there are definitely times where I enjoy being one on one with someone more. For those of you read my blog about friendship, 3 really is my comfort zone. I can thrive at 1 and 2 just fine, but that point where I get to hang out with someone on my own and really get to know them is my favorite. I like getting to know people. I like scratching the surface enough to form some jokes and get somewhat comfortable, and with the people that I'm close to I like reinforcing the bond that's there and either surprise each other with things we didn't realize we didn't know or being surprised at how much we do. Obviously these are things I already knew that I liked, but I've never really acknowledged them or realized just how important to me they are. And I absolutely never realized just how much attention I really like to have. Being around good people is so important to me. If it wasn't for the internet and the telephone I don't know what I would do. I realized that I get frustrated when I can't attain the kind of attention I want for whatever reason, to the point of sometimes getting moody. Maybe being an only child has affected me more than I thought it had. I'm not materialistic, I'd like to think I'm not greedy, but by golly do I need to feel loved. That's what it really comes down to I think. Love. I need to feel like there's people around me that appreciate me and love me for who I am .. and there is, and I'm so ridiculously grateful for that. That and music. Because music keeps me sane and without it I don't think I could overcome a lot of things that I do.

So this one goes out for all the people I love, the love they give to me, and music.

Peace, Love & Pancakes
-Liberty

Emergency Contacts

I'm really sad right now.

I thought about all the things I wanted to write about today and right now none of them seem to matter. All I can think about it emergency contact lists, knowing people, and my dead friend. She was dead before I even got to the hospital. I didn't get to see her. I didn't even know she had me as an emergency contact, me and her brother. I don't know why it bothers me so much that she didn't have her parents on there. Not that I minded being on there, I just didn't know and now I don't really understand. Don't think I ever will. I feel bad. She wasn't a really close friend, at least I didn't think so. I can think of people who hung out with her a lot more than I have, but I guess you can't measure closeness by how many hours you spend with someone. I already knew that.. about quality over quantity I mean. It's just kind of shocking. I can't help feeling sad when I think about it though. She was heading home from jazz class. I didn't even know she took jazz. I feel like I was a bad friend. She was somewhere between a 3 and a 4. I feel bad for even giving her a number because she was so much more than that. I feel bad for not having gotten to know her better, for not knowing how much she really thought of me, for not knowing all of the things I found out tonight. Her brother apparently knew that I was on the list. I don't want to replay the conversation I had with him. I can't believe I didn't know.

I'm going to stop because I have lots of doubts and questions in my head at the moment and I could continue rambling about it all. I don't want to dwell on this. This morning I had the muscles in my arms and my legs overworked and right now I'd work them twice as hard if that meant getting answers, regardless of the pain.

It makes me think a lot about myself too. About my emergency contacts list. My cellphone allows for up to 3 people's numbers to be put as emergency contacts, I have my mom as the first and only contact. Which is amusing seeing as she never picks up the phone. Ever. We've joked around that if I ever get arrested for anything and have only one phone call it won't be to her because she wouldn't get it. I want to put two other people on that list. I kind of know who, but I'm afraid to ask them. First of all because that's a big responsibility and secondly because asking is assuming a lot. Being on that list is assuming that you care a whole lot about me, not like omg you're the greatest friend ever, but you're someone that I value and am willing to take care of and/or be there for if something should happen to you. That's asking a lot from a person. I'm kind of scared to ask because I don't want to know if they don't care about me that much. Or even worse if I just assume that they do and add them without saying anything, find out that neither of them came if something happened. I don't want to ask and then have them say yes because they feel obligated to either. *sigh* This feels so complicated. I feel like there's so many implications. I know (or at least hope) that one person would want to slap my upside the head with a waffle if they knew that I was afraid to ask them because I thought they didn't care about me that much.

I need to lie down.

Looking for peace, needing love & wanting pancakes
-Liberty

Eating Habits, Nerdraging & Spacey Metaphors

Another splendiferus day in the life of the pancake queen and although today went thoroughly better than yesterday, parts of me are mixed on how to really feel. I don't feel bad, mostly like the day has just gone by more quickly than I would've liked. Not that anything too amazing happened causing me to want to stretch out that small fabric of time into something longer, I just don't think anyone likes feeling like their day is practically over, not knowing where it really went.

I went and saw Steffan today at the gym. We just spoke today about how he's going to help me and already I feel so indebted to him. I appreciate his time and knowledge so much. The biggest thing I got out of it was eating habits aaand how bad mine are. I pretty much eat or I don't eat. When I'm sad I won't eat at all, not that when I'm happy I eat a whole bunch. Not eating brings my metabolism into 'starvation mode' which basically means no matter how many calories I try to burn my body says "YO! are you crazy? food around these here parts is scarce! we can't get rid of this stuff!" So my new duty is to eat every 3 hours. I -have- to eat breakfast, no excuses, and nothing flimsy either. None of that tea and toast. Something substantial like eggs and a strip or two of bacon. Part of me is super excited about the entire thing. I know that I can do this, the other side of me however is convinced that I'll somehow screw this up. How can someone screw up eating every 3 hours? Easily. In my head at least. I really do have an overactive imagination, possibly too much so for my own good, but that in itself is another story.

I need to go on a tangent here for a second.. possibly two. Let's make things clear. I know about WoW. I play the game, I love the game, I'll occasionally get wrapped in it, I've been known to go all out and not sleep for a few days if someone hits the right nerve and challenges me at something. If there is anyone that's going to be understanding about anything related to that game, it's me. But notice my use of terminology. Game. Not lifestyle, not life, not job, nothing more than a game, maybe at times a serious hobby. Like tennis. People spend hundreds of dollars on rackets and clothes and special everything even if they're not professional athletes because it's their hobby. WoW hobbyists might spend $100 on a 15 button mouse and even more for the right computer and things of that nature. But at the end of the day it's still just a game. Just a hobby that we happen to adore a whole lot.
So why the hell do some people take it so seriously. This is coming from me. I've logged out after being stressed out at a really fail raid, cursed on vent when engaging in player vs player combat, cried when guilds have broken up, sent my friends on players of the opposite faction when I get ganked while leveling on pvp servers, and gone ballistic on seemingly, completely idiotic players in 5mans or raids. Trust me, I get it.
When you choose to play on a PvP server you are consciously making the decision to play on server where almost at any time in almost any place you run the risk of being attacked by someone of the opposite faction. So, I can understand being annoyed when you're trying to level because two baddies just double teamed you or because a level ?? just one shotted you .. possibly over and over and over. What I don't really understand, or more so like, is when someone gets seriously angry at me for something that isn't my fault and more or less comes with the territory of playing WoW on a PvP server. Not even going to get into the details because I'll continue to blunder on even farther and possibly go into exactly the type of nerdrage I don't wish to go into at this time.
I just wish some people would realize that while WoW is absolutely wonderful sometimes RL > WoW, that I care more about the people outside of the game than their toons, and that sometimes nerdraging on the wrong person makes that person feel not so good at all. Okay. I'm done. Two very long seconds. >.>

I've been doing a lot of thinking about starcatchers. They're pretty much amazing. I know this. I had my own for a long while and it was quite nice and then stuff happened and I didn't have one anymore and now I have the opportunity to get it back and I don't know what to do. I think I need to talk to the person offering the starcatcher so that I can sort some stuff out on my mind. I've gotten kind of used to not having one and I don't know if I can deal with having it back and/or the possibility of having and then not having it anymore ya know? Starcatchers. Yea. My head hurts now.

It's almost 10 so I need to get food! I'll talk to you later nubcakes. Yea, that's right I called you a nubcake. Deal with it <3 Another day, another blog.

Peace, Love & Pancakes
-Liberty

Maybe today was bound to be one of those days, but by golly I do not care.

I won't let that get me down. So somewhere around 5am my computer decided (maybe with some unintentional help from me) that it wanted to become victim to spyware that had been out for an entire 3 days! Aren't I special? :) After a couple hours of AVG, malwarebyte, milk n cookies chocolate, napping, work, reinstalling, uninstalling, reinstalling, fatal errors, re inputting passwords, re saving settings, yelling at the screen, pouting at the time elapsed number, and napping some more, I seem to have regained some sense of normalcy to my computer. I have to completely reinstall World of Warcraft to my pc, but everything has a price right?

Singing out loud to Lady Gaga's Bad Romance absolutely makes me feel better! ... Until I get told that I need to shovel the driveway because my mother doesn't have confidence in a Jeep to be able to drive down snow. Dot dot dot. Be back soon ... I hope.

OKAY! I'm back and thankfully Lady Gaga can still bring me up when I'm down. Good news is I wrote a new song aaand I got my phone back. Woo. Bad news is I still haven't eaten, my sleeping schedule is totally off whack again, I'm behind on my Wednesday deadline, and WoW still hasn't finished installing. But that's ok! Because I know that the world has some sort of wierd way of unraveling itself. Man has it been a long day.

For now, it's late and I need some more music to regain some sanity :)

Until tomorrow ..
Peace, Love & Pancakes
-Liberty

The holidays feel so far away.

The warm fleece blankets snuggling against me on the couch making my feet feel cozy and my arms more aware of the cold air. The soft hum of the radio sitting on the book shelf playing drawn out christmas songs. The sound of boots trudging up the stairs and jackets being squished into the coat closet. The silver kettle announcing that hot chocolate was about to be had and the way the mug warmed my fingers and the steam would add color to my cheeks as I patiently waited for it to cool down enough to be able to feel the smooth chocolate touch my lips. The smile that would surprisingly dance across my face as I went through different christmas cards and more importantly the messages inside them. Wrapped in my favorite green blanket and listening to Taylor Swift I feel like I'm in a different place and time.

My mind feels peaceful and I have this overwhelming desire to smile all the time, more than usual. Maybe it's because I've been going through the details and possibilities of things for this year and they excite me. I can't wait to do so much. Maybe it's because I have an unopened pack of Reese's sitting on my desk, but I really do think it's the whole possibilities thing and such. Haha!

Today I'm thinking a lot about the movie up in the air. More specifically about the message of the movie and the metaphor that the main character used to describe life, a backpack. It's so true. Most people hold on to so much stuff that they can't move and even more so people. So many relationships in a person's life. But I honestly don't think that any of those things should hold a person down unwillingly. I think if you want to go do something and you can without affecting someone close to you financially, physically, or otherwise negatively then go for it. Notice I didn't say mentally. Mostly because it's impossible to not affect someone mentally. Whether we want to or not everything we do affects the people around us in one way or another. People have to realize that their life is their own. Nobody else will have to live with the consequences of your actions but you. (Unless of course you choose to have children at which point your life will, hopefully happily, no longer be just yours) I do however think sometimes people need to just let go of everything, all the baggage, and stop being victims to circumstance.

I guess the reason that it's on my mind so much is because of a woman I know. A friend of my mom's. Let's call her Nae. Nae lives in Argentina, is supsosedly happily married to a rich man who apparently adores her, has 2 kids from her first marriage that no longer live with her or anywhere near her, and yet has asked my mom if she can come stay with her and help her find work. Doesn't make much sense does it? The truth is she's not happy, they don't love each other, and her kids hang out with her ex-husband because he's the one with the money. She however is unable to find it in her to be honest with my mom and instead makes up poor excuses for everything. I feel like she's just dragging things out without reason. Why can't she just pack her things up and leave? So she's unhappy. Then Nae should ask for help if she needs it and get her life back together. I know that my mom would help her if she could just be honest. I feel like Nae is being purposely ignorant. She knows her situation and yet does nothing to change it. It's not something that I can understand or even truly respect. And I'm usually the one who can accept everything, at least respect it to it's necessary degrees if not comprehend it. I guess this is just one of those things I won't ever really get. Meh.

Anyway.

I'm almost finished with the second installment to the Adventures of Insano and Awesome Girl! And after I'm finished editing it I already know what my next project is going to be. I've had a recurring nightmare where I die and I wake up as a newborn baby, still remembering everything from this life. I've thought about it and over and over and that's what my next novel is going to be about. Not about me, but about a girl who that actually happens to and her journey growing up. There's obviously a lot of details to work out, but I'm already excited regardless!

And just for the record .. in regards to my last blog about thanks. You don't really think that I only have 7 people to thank do you? Nubcake! But seeing as I have to write a blog everyday, I wanted to split it up. I'll be thanking 7 people at a time and hopefully by the end of the year I'll have thanked everyone in my life :)

Peace, Love & Pancakes
-Liberty

Thank you & I'm sorry

Part one: Thank you

I love you. I think that you are a wonderful person to have in my life and I want to say thank you. Today's blog goes out to say thank you to so many people.

Mom - You are amazing. If it wasn't for you I wouldn't be who I am and I wouldn't of had so many of the experiences that molded my mind into the fascinating cornucopia of awesome that it is today. Thank you for having me and loving me and buying me books when I was little, even if they were maybe too old for me, for teaching me to cook, for not laughing when I'd stand on the dining table and sing, for never missing a play, for putting up with every single new thing I create and that you have to listen to, for giving me cute ears, for passing on your spunk, and for being not just my mom but my mother. For that and for so many other things I say thank you. I love you most of all.

Betty - Even though you're not around anymore I still need to thank you. And I mean, since you're sitting up there on a cloud partying it up angel style I know you'll have time to read this. (Dedicate a Beatles' song to me won't ya?!) You are beautiful in every meaning of the word. I can't believe that I got to be your best friend! I feel so lucky. You are my missing dimple, my left hand snap, the 'owl' to my 'gr', my personal safety wheel, my life sized mini mouse, and so many other things that I'll never be able to thank you enough for. You're the reason I'm not afraid to admit that I like being nerdy and that I know dancing in public is perfectly acceptable. You've given me more support than you could possibly know. I will always love you no matter how long you've been gone.

Patrick - You are the music in me. From the first moment I met you I knew that you were Fabulous and that this could be the start of something new. You always help me to Getcha head in the game and even when I want to Scream you tell me that we can Work this out. You're always breaking free and never stick to the status quo. You are what I've been looking for in a friend for so long. Right here, right now, you can bet on it .. that I will never have another friend like you. With you it's now or never and always a night to remember. I am so gracious to get to bop to the top and discuss ancient fish like the Humu Humu Nuku Nuku Apua with you Everyday. All for one mon ami, we're all in this together. You're the best friend a girl could have! :)

Nathan - I don't think you'll ever know how much I count on you. You're that release that I need, that secret weapon I keep in my closet when I feel like the rest of the world is too crazy for me to handle. You're a wonderful friend and I appreciate how you're there for me so much. Nobody can break me down quite like you. You give me relief and joy and hope and remind me that I'm not completely insane .. all the time. I admire your toughness and realism and how even within all that you still save room for a little sparkle and sugar coating when you see it fit. You're gosh darn awesome. Thank you for being my friend.

Julie - I look up to you in so many ways. You're positively brilliant, sensationally pleasant, and down right awesome. I love talking to you, I could do it all day. I don't care what you say about yourself, to me you are a remarkable person. You never cease to surprise to me and I'm always astounded at how comfortable I find myself when I'm around you. You give me hope for human kind and the knowledge that there are still kind-hearted, good people in the world. I am immensely grateful to you for having allowed me the extreme pleasure of being your friend, having your company, and I look forward to more of it all.

Emily - You are my favorite ninja. You are my sunshine when I can't find it in me to smile, you brighten my day even when I see no hope. I love you so much. You're such an amazing person to know and I feel eternally grateful to be able to call you my friend. I feel alive and bouncy and completely full of joy when I'm around you. You don't know how much your friendship means to me and how big of an impact you've had on me already. I can't wait to see what the future holds for you and me.

Brian - Oh my dear Brian. How your witty remarks and delectable company have affected me so. I smile just at the sound of hearing you say hello! Your honesty is enjoyably refreshing and I always look forward to hearing your unique take on life. You are my personal gossip girl and I know I can always confide in you. There are not enough synonyms for amazing in the dictionary or thesaurus to describe what I think of you. Thank you so much for being you, for introducing me to Helen and for being such a fantabulous Jacob Black ...err I mean friend. Totally.

To all my friends - You are the most important people in my life. Without you my experiences would not be the same and I would not who I am. I can never thank you enough for how amazing you are and how much you've affected my life.

Part Two: I'm sorry.

I am by no stretch of the imagination perfect. I've done things that I'm less than proud of. I know that I've hurt people, disappointed people, and made people cry. And for all of that and everything else I want to say that I'm sorry. I am so sorry for ever having caused you grief, trouble, sleeplessness, anguish, tears, and anything awful that I might have made you feel. Please forgive me. I know that this may be asking for a lot, but please try. I'm asking you for amnesty and understanding. I'm asking that you look inside you and find the parts that I've in some way affected negatively, and then throw them out. This is my sincere apology to you. I am eternally penitent for everything. And I do promise to not repeat the things for which I am remorseful for. I'm sorry. I really am.

Whoever you are, even those people who will never read what I've written, I truly wish you a most wonderful 2010. May you find it in your heart to live your life happily and to the best of your ability, may you feel love and peace, and may you achieve everything that you want this year. I'm sending you huge air hugs <3

Happy New Year

Peace, Love & Pancakes
-Liberty