Action without thought is like body without soul.
No matter how mundane a task may seem give it everything you've got for it always means more than you may deem.
Every little thing you do causes reactions from others too.
Whether something small and simple every deed does make a ripple.
So think hard about the steps you take based on what in life you wish to make.
<3
Peace, Love & Pancakes
-Liberty
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Friday, June 18, 2010
You know when you're little, you imagine all these things for the future.
You think about who you want to be, how you want to grow up, all the kinds of things you want to experience when you're older, you just have so much passion for life. The last thing you think about is love. You don't think about falling in love, relationships and marriage. When little girls start thinking about love they have this picturesque ideal of a guy in their mind. Thinking that they'll end up meeting prince charming, falling madly in love, and have this huge, froufrou wedding. Some of them even go as far as to plan out the exact wedding details, write out a guest list, and talk about their perfect dress.
I was never like that.
When I was a little girl I thought weddings were stupid. My first big crush was Richard Gere, I guess you could say I was into older men. So I spent a lot more time wondering what NAFTA stood for, what Java meant, what Malawi was and why everyone was making such a big deal about it's elections, since I was under the impression that everyone had them. By the time I started to even think about boys as something other than the best pick for the soccer team, all my girl friends already knew what kind of guy they wanted, who they thought was cute, and various number scales to measure how worthy a guy was or wasn't of any of us. I found most of it to be kind of ridiculous and felt like none of it really fit in with the way I thought of boys.
A big part of it for me was feeling like maybe I wasn't ready for it. When I thought about boys I started seeing them as an extension of my girl friends. I thought that maybe I could talk to them the way I did my girl friends and play together like I did with them. I found out really quickly that I couldn't. A girl and boy playing together meant that they were either really close friends that were eventually bound to become boyfriend and girlfriend or that they were already at that latter stage, and while I didn't particularly care what the rest of my friends thought, the boys did. A lot of questions arose in my mind, I wondered what being someone's girlfriend really meant (especially since I had always thought 'novia' was the name given to the girl getting married), what a relationship was, and how I could know what I wanted out of another person when I hadn't even figured myself out yet.
I found a lot of different things during this time, mostly about myself, and molded a lot of my first views on relationships.
The word 'Novia' is the female counterpart of a romantic relationship and used to imply that the couple had marriage as their eventual objective, which explains why it's still used to mean 'Bride.' My mom told me that being someone's girlfriend was a big responsibility and that it meant making a really important promise to another person to only share certain things with them. Some books told me that being someone's girlfriend meant that I was going to marry that person, others said that it meant I was living with that person without being married, and most of them said that it meant I was being 'physical' with that person. Looking up relationships was harder because I found out that there was all kinds of relationships between lots of different things. It led me to the conclusion that as many different relationships exist in math, there's twice as many between people, and I have to be the one that chooses what I want it to be like.
I realized very quickly that while I was comfortable with looking at all these things analytically I was no where near wanting to actually have these things in my life. I found out that even if I could write a list of qualities I like in other people I couldn't guarantee that those qualities would mean that I would like that person 100% of the time and that I liked being surprised by people so a list of this sort seemed kind of pointless. I also found out that it was important to me to know more about myself before I was willing to focus on someone else, I felt kind of selfish about it, but stuck with this belief because it felt right. This is also when I made up my mind about what a romantic relationship was to me and made the decision that I didn't want one until I was ready for marriage.
Then one day I grew up and now my beliefs on love and relationships are more developed.
I wouldn't necessarily say different, but absolutely more defined. It's not so much about a specific list of must haves and cant stands, but a group of values that are important to me. I no longer think that refining myself as an individual is selfish, I think it's smart and it makes sense in my mind. I guess now a days the most important thing to me is that I actually have my own view and that I stick to it. I don't by any means expect other people to agree with it or hold their beliefs on love up to mine. I just wish more people would actually take the time to figure our what they are.
Do you know yours? <3
Peace, Love & Pancakes
-Liberty
You think about who you want to be, how you want to grow up, all the kinds of things you want to experience when you're older, you just have so much passion for life. The last thing you think about is love. You don't think about falling in love, relationships and marriage. When little girls start thinking about love they have this picturesque ideal of a guy in their mind. Thinking that they'll end up meeting prince charming, falling madly in love, and have this huge, froufrou wedding. Some of them even go as far as to plan out the exact wedding details, write out a guest list, and talk about their perfect dress.
I was never like that.
When I was a little girl I thought weddings were stupid. My first big crush was Richard Gere, I guess you could say I was into older men. So I spent a lot more time wondering what NAFTA stood for, what Java meant, what Malawi was and why everyone was making such a big deal about it's elections, since I was under the impression that everyone had them. By the time I started to even think about boys as something other than the best pick for the soccer team, all my girl friends already knew what kind of guy they wanted, who they thought was cute, and various number scales to measure how worthy a guy was or wasn't of any of us. I found most of it to be kind of ridiculous and felt like none of it really fit in with the way I thought of boys.
A big part of it for me was feeling like maybe I wasn't ready for it. When I thought about boys I started seeing them as an extension of my girl friends. I thought that maybe I could talk to them the way I did my girl friends and play together like I did with them. I found out really quickly that I couldn't. A girl and boy playing together meant that they were either really close friends that were eventually bound to become boyfriend and girlfriend or that they were already at that latter stage, and while I didn't particularly care what the rest of my friends thought, the boys did. A lot of questions arose in my mind, I wondered what being someone's girlfriend really meant (especially since I had always thought 'novia' was the name given to the girl getting married), what a relationship was, and how I could know what I wanted out of another person when I hadn't even figured myself out yet.
I found a lot of different things during this time, mostly about myself, and molded a lot of my first views on relationships.
The word 'Novia' is the female counterpart of a romantic relationship and used to imply that the couple had marriage as their eventual objective, which explains why it's still used to mean 'Bride.' My mom told me that being someone's girlfriend was a big responsibility and that it meant making a really important promise to another person to only share certain things with them. Some books told me that being someone's girlfriend meant that I was going to marry that person, others said that it meant I was living with that person without being married, and most of them said that it meant I was being 'physical' with that person. Looking up relationships was harder because I found out that there was all kinds of relationships between lots of different things. It led me to the conclusion that as many different relationships exist in math, there's twice as many between people, and I have to be the one that chooses what I want it to be like.
I realized very quickly that while I was comfortable with looking at all these things analytically I was no where near wanting to actually have these things in my life. I found out that even if I could write a list of qualities I like in other people I couldn't guarantee that those qualities would mean that I would like that person 100% of the time and that I liked being surprised by people so a list of this sort seemed kind of pointless. I also found out that it was important to me to know more about myself before I was willing to focus on someone else, I felt kind of selfish about it, but stuck with this belief because it felt right. This is also when I made up my mind about what a romantic relationship was to me and made the decision that I didn't want one until I was ready for marriage.
Then one day I grew up and now my beliefs on love and relationships are more developed.
I wouldn't necessarily say different, but absolutely more defined. It's not so much about a specific list of must haves and cant stands, but a group of values that are important to me. I no longer think that refining myself as an individual is selfish, I think it's smart and it makes sense in my mind. I guess now a days the most important thing to me is that I actually have my own view and that I stick to it. I don't by any means expect other people to agree with it or hold their beliefs on love up to mine. I just wish more people would actually take the time to figure our what they are.
Do you know yours? <3
Peace, Love & Pancakes
-Liberty
Friday, June 11, 2010
Say what's on your mind
You know something ...
I have absolutely no problem with people who want to tell it like it is. I agree that those are the people you can trust the most. I have so much respect for people who are able to be up front and tell someone what's up.
What I have a huge problem with is someone who's rude. Someone who doesn't care about being tactless, crude, unrefined, and disrespectful in order to get their point across. Someone who has absolutely no concern for other people at all.
Let me tell you something you poor excuse for humanity. You think it's okay to tell racist and gay jokes just because it's supposed to be funny? You think it's fine if other people are offended by you in an environment that's suppose to harbor team work and cooperativeness?
It's not.
I am one of those people who really does not care what the rest of the world has to say about what I do or don't do. That does not under any circumstance mean I'm going to do something that I know or am aware is hurtful to people around me in any way. Your opinion? I could care less about it. Whether something I do is going to directly have an impact or consequence on you is completely my business. What I do is my business and nobody else should have to suffer negatively because of something I do.
IE: You wanna get drunk? Peachy. You want to get drunk, go driving, and possibly hurt -another- person in the process? Go to hell.
I don't care if you're trying to be straight up, help someone out, or letting out your frustration about a particular situation. Do it in private or around people you -know- are okay with it. Stop being a jerk. And don't you dare say I'm telling you not to express yourself. Just STOP BEING RUDE.
SO! In conclusion ..
-Being straight forward is awesome.
-Being expressive about how you feel is awesome.
-Being honest is awesome.
-Being yourself is awesome.
-Being RUDE* in the process of any of the above is not at all awesome.
*(Rude: ill-mannered: socially incorrect in behavior, ill-bred, lacking in refinement or grace, uncivil, crude)
That is all.
Peace, Love & Pancakes
-Liberty
I have absolutely no problem with people who want to tell it like it is. I agree that those are the people you can trust the most. I have so much respect for people who are able to be up front and tell someone what's up.
What I have a huge problem with is someone who's rude. Someone who doesn't care about being tactless, crude, unrefined, and disrespectful in order to get their point across. Someone who has absolutely no concern for other people at all.
Let me tell you something you poor excuse for humanity. You think it's okay to tell racist and gay jokes just because it's supposed to be funny? You think it's fine if other people are offended by you in an environment that's suppose to harbor team work and cooperativeness?
It's not.
I am one of those people who really does not care what the rest of the world has to say about what I do or don't do. That does not under any circumstance mean I'm going to do something that I know or am aware is hurtful to people around me in any way. Your opinion? I could care less about it. Whether something I do is going to directly have an impact or consequence on you is completely my business. What I do is my business and nobody else should have to suffer negatively because of something I do.
IE: You wanna get drunk? Peachy. You want to get drunk, go driving, and possibly hurt -another- person in the process? Go to hell.
I don't care if you're trying to be straight up, help someone out, or letting out your frustration about a particular situation. Do it in private or around people you -know- are okay with it. Stop being a jerk. And don't you dare say I'm telling you not to express yourself. Just STOP BEING RUDE.
SO! In conclusion ..
-Being straight forward is awesome.
-Being expressive about how you feel is awesome.
-Being honest is awesome.
-Being yourself is awesome.
-Being RUDE* in the process of any of the above is not at all awesome.
*(Rude: ill-mannered: socially incorrect in behavior, ill-bred, lacking in refinement or grace, uncivil, crude)
That is all.
Peace, Love & Pancakes
-Liberty
Thursday, June 3, 2010
This blog comes to you as a spur of the moment window into how I feel right now.
Irrational, hurt, and without any thought into planning or direction I let my fingers tap away at the keyboard as the feelings rush to leave my body and Incubus' Love Hurts plays on repeat, entirely too loud, into my headset. I hate when people think they know me and they don't. I hate being judged a certain way just because someone doesn't understand me. That's right. I feel misunderstood and judged. I usually would give a damn about either of those things, however it hurts a lot when it comes from someone I love and try to help in understanding me. This is one of those times when I don't even know if I love her. I think I may just really want to love her. I have no patience for her anymore, I don't trust her, I don't feel like she knows who I am, or even anything about me. I don't feel respected by her, sometimes I feel used because I feel like she's only nice when she needs me to do something for her, and I can't wait to be far away from her. I feel like a little girl thinking this way. Thinking and waiting patiently for these last 3 months to pass so that I can be gone. Isn't that what teenagers do? They moan and groan about how awful their parents are and how they can't wait to get away? I feel like that's what I'm doing except I'm 23, I don't outwardly bitch about my mother, and I would never purposely try to make her look bad. I don't like to share disagreements I have with her with anyone. Partly because like I said I don't want to make her look bad, partly because everyone thinks she's some kind of heaven sent angel, and partly because I feel like talking about her negatively would be like lowering myself to her level. The funny part about everything, about how I feel towards her, is that she says the same thing to me. That I don't respect or care about her, how she feels, or what she says. That i don't know her at all, that I'm uncaring, insolent, inhumane, and that's just as a person not even getting into me as a daughter. I'm so sick of her. I hate how she makes me feel. I even hate the fact that I'm sick of her. I hate the fact that I feel guilty for hating the fact that I hate the fact that I'm sick of her. I hate that I have so much negative emotion inside of me, and I hate that I can use the word hate, knowing full well what it means, and mean it. I hate that she can make me feel so horrible. I want to say I hate her, I really do. I wish I did. I wish I could just hate her and yell at her openly and even slap her across the face when she insults who I am as a person. Why can't I!? Why am I so stupid that even when she treats me like crap I try to balance it with the good things about her and try to love her?! What the hell is wrong me?! My whole life growing up people told her that no matter how good I was, I'd eventually fall in love and leave her. Go on to live my own life that had no room for her, that I wouldn't want her around and that I'd shut her out completely. I've always told her that wouldn't happen. I promised her that I would take care of her when she got older. I feel like that's what she's pushing for. I feel like she -wants- me to lock her out of my life. I don't want to feel guilty for not loving her like I used to. I no longer feel guilty for wanting things for myself and for my life that don't always include her. I don't feel selfish for wanting my own life. That doesn't mean she won't be a part of it, but my world will not revolve around her. I feel so sad right now. Just a few more months and this will all seem like a distant memory. I hope. I'm going to go drink some apple juice and make a grilled cheese. Thanks for listening to me blog. *hugs computer screen* I really do feel a little better now.
Wall of text crits you for over 9000.
Looking for peace, needing love, and wanting pancakes
-Liberty
Irrational, hurt, and without any thought into planning or direction I let my fingers tap away at the keyboard as the feelings rush to leave my body and Incubus' Love Hurts plays on repeat, entirely too loud, into my headset. I hate when people think they know me and they don't. I hate being judged a certain way just because someone doesn't understand me. That's right. I feel misunderstood and judged. I usually would give a damn about either of those things, however it hurts a lot when it comes from someone I love and try to help in understanding me. This is one of those times when I don't even know if I love her. I think I may just really want to love her. I have no patience for her anymore, I don't trust her, I don't feel like she knows who I am, or even anything about me. I don't feel respected by her, sometimes I feel used because I feel like she's only nice when she needs me to do something for her, and I can't wait to be far away from her. I feel like a little girl thinking this way. Thinking and waiting patiently for these last 3 months to pass so that I can be gone. Isn't that what teenagers do? They moan and groan about how awful their parents are and how they can't wait to get away? I feel like that's what I'm doing except I'm 23, I don't outwardly bitch about my mother, and I would never purposely try to make her look bad. I don't like to share disagreements I have with her with anyone. Partly because like I said I don't want to make her look bad, partly because everyone thinks she's some kind of heaven sent angel, and partly because I feel like talking about her negatively would be like lowering myself to her level. The funny part about everything, about how I feel towards her, is that she says the same thing to me. That I don't respect or care about her, how she feels, or what she says. That i don't know her at all, that I'm uncaring, insolent, inhumane, and that's just as a person not even getting into me as a daughter. I'm so sick of her. I hate how she makes me feel. I even hate the fact that I'm sick of her. I hate the fact that I feel guilty for hating the fact that I hate the fact that I'm sick of her. I hate that I have so much negative emotion inside of me, and I hate that I can use the word hate, knowing full well what it means, and mean it. I hate that she can make me feel so horrible. I want to say I hate her, I really do. I wish I did. I wish I could just hate her and yell at her openly and even slap her across the face when she insults who I am as a person. Why can't I!? Why am I so stupid that even when she treats me like crap I try to balance it with the good things about her and try to love her?! What the hell is wrong me?! My whole life growing up people told her that no matter how good I was, I'd eventually fall in love and leave her. Go on to live my own life that had no room for her, that I wouldn't want her around and that I'd shut her out completely. I've always told her that wouldn't happen. I promised her that I would take care of her when she got older. I feel like that's what she's pushing for. I feel like she -wants- me to lock her out of my life. I don't want to feel guilty for not loving her like I used to. I no longer feel guilty for wanting things for myself and for my life that don't always include her. I don't feel selfish for wanting my own life. That doesn't mean she won't be a part of it, but my world will not revolve around her. I feel so sad right now. Just a few more months and this will all seem like a distant memory. I hope. I'm going to go drink some apple juice and make a grilled cheese. Thanks for listening to me blog. *hugs computer screen* I really do feel a little better now.
Wall of text crits you for over 9000.
Looking for peace, needing love, and wanting pancakes
-Liberty
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