On my mind

So, I've really been wanting to write a blog.

I have this thing where an idea will get into my head and until I write it down or do something with it's glorious being, it won't go away. Sometimes I'll write the thought or ideology down and then I'll keep writing with full intention of eventually passing it on to this blog or some other form of the written word. It usually doesn't happen like that. And then I scold myself. And then stuff happens. So my intent right now is to not have any particular thought or in any one state of mind, but instead share and communicate all the things that have recently (or not so recently) been on my mind.

I love my mom.

I know that at times I have a tendency of talking a lot about her. People that talk to me a lot can testify. I know it can sound corny and get boring sometimes, but I talk to my mom a whole lot. She's one of the most interesting people I know. (and I'd like to think I quite a bit of people, keeping in mind how many millions of people actually exist and thinking about the fact that I am indeed just one person) She has a lot of life experience and has a lot of knowledge. She's intelligent and thoughtful. I really enjoy conversing with her most of the time. This of course affects our mother daughter relationship in a positive manner and I'm grateful that we can be close and share our thoughts and opinions, and at the same time have such different views about .. pretty much a lot of stuff. (I almost said everything but truth is our core and foundation is almost exactly the same as far as values are concerned) I feel like in a lot of conversations I say "I was talking to my mom and .." or "I was having this conversation with my mom and she said .." Now, it's not that she's the only person I talk to or listen to, or that she's the only person who has any effect on me. It's just she has a lot of great things to say and often times I want to share that with people because I think they'll appreciate the message or idea pertaining to whatever current conversation me and that person are having at any present time. I think a part of me many times feels like the things she says need to be shared with more people because she herself has a difficult time expressing them because of her lack of English. Either way I feel really lucky to have her as a mother and an important figure in my life. Not just as a family member but as an intellectual counterpart that I can be honestly open with and talk to. She's just that great.

That leads me to wanting to say thank you.

Not just to my mom but to lots of people. To the people who aren't just my friends but people I can count on to be there for me. People who are honest with me and won't judge me on stupid or superficial things. People who genuinely love and care about me for who I am, not what I can do or how much I'm willing to them them. The people who have influenced me in a positive way and people who want to see me progress and reach farther life because they know that I can and know that I want to. To the people who share things with me, not just the bad stuff that makes you want to cry or tear your hair out, but the happy thoughts and silly happenings of every day life that remind us that life isn't television or a band account but a series of memories and a series of events that makes every moment worth living. To the people who can share the things they love with me and know that I'll appreciate it and at least try it even if I can't myself share a passion for it too. To the people who worry about me and send me pictures of pancakes with smiley faces when I'm sad. To anyone who's ever made me smile or giggle, and to everyone who puts everything they are into what they do. I just want to thank so many people. I love so many people. I'm not miss using the world love either. I genuinely adore and cherish so many people that make a difference and impact my life in the tiniest of ways. I want people to be happy and to lead positive lives. To eat pancakes, and see rainbows, and do things they love. Create something amazing just by putting a little piece of themselves into it. I just want to thank you so so much for everything. You make me happy, you make me think, you make me look at things differently. you make me stronger, you remind me that even though people can suck, they can be pretty gosh darn awesome too. Thank you life.

I totally just sighed in real life.

I feel like such a cornball! (hahaha) But I mean everything I said. Do you ever feel like you say something that you mean a lot but if and when someone else happens to come across it they won't take it as seriously? I almost feel nobody should take what I say seriously. At least not too seriously. Nobody should take themselves too seriously, that could be dangerous. I just really hope that my message gets across. Funny thing is, I don't always know if I have a message. Well, I guess that's not totally true. I totally have a message that I wish I could imput into everyones mind. But I mean when I write. Sometimes I write just to write .. because I feel like putting my thoughts into writing. But I don't neccessarily know if I can say that everytime I have a thought there's a reason. I mean sure .. there's a reason that thought came to my mind, but it is there an actual reason for that thought. I don't know.

I don't know a lot of things.

And I'm really completely okay with that. While I could go on and on about things that I would love to know (like why girls have to go to the bathroom in groups) there are absolutely some things that I will never mind not finding out. I don't think that I meant to not know and I can accept that too. What I'd like to know is if there's a limit. To my mind I mean. Is there only a certain amount of information that I can capture or take in before certain things disappear before I can take new things in. I've been reading this book about the brain works and I'm very much hoping to find my answer at least by the end of it. If I do happen to come across that particular bit of information I will absolutely be sure to let you know.

Books.

Boy, do I love to read. Sometimes I feel like I could read and forget about everythings that my body happens to need in order to live. Like say .. sleeping. I've recently decided to make a sacrifice .. kind of. I am not going to buy any more books. I want to buy a kindle. So the monthly budget that I have towards books, I'm going to save .. and instead in a few months buy a kindle. Great idea huh? Only problem is the not buying books part, mostly because I can't live without reading. I need to read. I'm thinking I can do the 69 cent used books from amazon thing or the download books onto my computer to read them thing. We'll see how that goes. My biggest concern with the Kindle is that once it's full of books .. I can't fill it anymore. And as of right now there's no way to take books up and store them in some alternate reality online or on a back hard-drive if I so choose to do so. That's really my biggest qualm. I'm also looking at the differences of a Kindle vs a Cybook ( I think that's how it's spelt) I've read the customer service for Kindle is superb and that returning a book is really easy. I'm still not totally convinced though. I need to do some more research before I'm totally head over heals. Either way in a few months I will be the proud new owner of one or the other. The reason I want one so badly is because of how much I can save myself. I spend at least $100 monthly on books. I read 5 -6 books and that can get costly. So if I can spend $10 a book using one of these devices .. I'm going to save myself a lot of money. Not to mention traveling is going to be so much better. Instead of lugging around a couple books .. I carry around this little device from which I can have almost any literary masterpiece which I choose to read at my fingertips. It's going to be great. I'm very much looking forward to it.

Money.

I wish I had more of it. (don't a lot of people) Not in the 'OMG I want more money so that I can buy over 9000 things and stuff' (not that I wouldn't like a new car and what not) but in the way of being able to help a lot of people. Being able to buy that $5 million machine for the children's hospital, being able to have a new hospital and new home built for the homeless animals. Help the homeless shelters. There's a lot people who need money. I will volunteer as much I humanly am capable of within my time constraints, I will talk, create, think, and do what I can. But so much of what these people is money. And I just wish I could give it to them. That's why it makes me so sick when people on welfare drive $30,000 cars and spend money on junk food and name brand clothes instead of things that their kids are in need of, like a healthy nutrition and books. (I mean c'mon, everyone needs books, growing minds especially) That's one of those things I'd love to do if I ever won the lottery. Not just give a huge check to a hospital, because that's going to go to waste. Sadly a lot of the money that gets donated goes into people's banks .. people who don't need or deserve that money. But go to that hospital's directer and talk to them about what it is the hospital needs and buy it for them. I don't want my name all over the news or anything, I don't want anyone to know I'm doing it because I don't want anyone to think I'm doing it for public image like some people do. I just want to help them. It's not that child's fault they're sick and in need of help.

Help.

I need it. I'm actually pretty bad admitting that I need it too. I'm all about helping other people. I mean if anyone needs me for just about anything I am right there. But the moment I need something .. hmm .. nah I don't need anyone! I can do it on my own! Totally. But right now I'm going to state that I do indeed need help and I'm actually open to it and wanting it. Now before you start to worry no it's not anything serious. It's just about music. I guess it's love related. More hobby related but I love music, so to me it's very much love related. I've always written poetry and written songs and what not. And recently more so than usual. My biggest frustration is that I have no music to go with my songs. Mostly if not entirely because I myself can not play an instrument nor can I read music. Now mind you It's not like I've really tried to even play around with any of those create music programs. I could probably try and I should actually now that I think about it. But even so I'd really like someone to work with. Just as a for fun thing. It's something that I love so very much. Writing songs and poetry is just on of those things that I hold so very dearly to my heart. And I know that I always will. Now don't be afraid. I'm not one of those people who is just so in love with what they do that they believe that I everything I do is a work of god and there's no room for improvement. That's the bigger reason why I'd like to work with someone. Not everything I work on is finalized, few things are. Working with someone who loves music like I do and has the ability to create music and tunes would be a lot of fun and would give me the ability to see what it is two heads are capable of doing with some of my creative flows. So, let's hear it then. Who wants to work with me?

Funny thing?

Funny thing is I don't even think anyone reads my blog. Haha! I do indeed write things to express myself and for my own benefit. But it makes me laugh how I often times write as if I'm addressing another person or group of people when in fact there's nobody else out there in interweb space. *Sigh* Okay I think that's all for now really.

I think I say 'just' too much.

At least I feel like I do. I don't think there's such a thing as too corny, too funny, or too long. So there. Yea. I'm done. I'm going to push the post button, see how far along the family is doing in terms of getting ready to go home, see what it is that I can work on as far as NYDA stuff goes, aaand somewhere in there I'll update twitter and be awesome.

Peace, Love & Pancakes
-Lib